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Between October and October

I wrote this today, on my birthday, as I reflected on the past year. I originally wrote it in Arabic but have translated it here to share.   Between October and October I left a home I thought I would never leave except for the grave. I long for a sea I never loved, yet it never left my sight. I lived displaced and learned the value of small blessings, including a drop of water. I love Gaza more than I ever imagined. I migrated once and will migrate again. I moved from house to house in a new land. I met beautiful faces and others ugly, those I didn’t know in myself and others. I lost people and friends. I swallowed patience only to discover that I am better off than many. I learned patience, detachment, and not to worry about tomorrow. I realized that God’s grace is far greater than we can imagine. I learned that family is your first line of defence, and sisters are the greatest blessing. True joy is in letting go of trivial things. No matter what happens, do not be afra
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300 days of genocide

Today is the 2nd of August and it marks 300 days of the genocide in Gaza. This period has been really intense because there have been so many assassinations and attempts to assassinate local leaders, like Ismail Haniyeh, who is Hamas’ political leader. There is a lot of anger amongst the Palestinians. Although as Palestinians we are separated - for example we have Fatah, Hamas, Gaza and the West Bank - but no one accepts the murder of one of our leaders, no matter who it was. This is because as Palestinians, we only have one enemy. The majority of Palestinians are more angry now than they have ever been.  Since becoming a refugee in Egypt I have been having a lot of discussions about what it means to be a refugee. One of my friends who has lived outside of Palestine her entire life said it very clearly, “I lived in the UAE most of my life and then I moved to the USA. I have never seen my homeland Palestine and it feels really weird because I’m holding the same citizenship of the countr
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Location: Cairo, Cairo Governorate, Egypt
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A new life as an immigrant

Today is the 13th of July which marks Day 281 of the annihilation and genocide in Gaza. The Israeli army attacked al-Mawasi in Khan Younis today, carrying out another new horrifying massacre. I can’t start this post without mentioning it. I’ve decided to start writing again because so many of my friends asked me for updates, but from now on it’s different as I’m writing as an immigrant. I also feel I have a duty to speak about the concept of home because I’ve mentioned it in my diary so many times before and for me, home is still the same - it’s the place I want to go back to, the place where I feel comfortable, the place where I belong. Although I feel safe and welcome here in Egypt, I also feel that I belong there, because I’ve spent most of my life there and as I was forced to leave it, it feels bitter. Every moment of my life I feel like I want to go back there.  If I had left because I wanted to, that would have been a very different story, but since we were forced to leave we fee
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A long journey

Today is the 3rd of March and I’ve had a very good morning today. I had the chance to go through some YouTube videos like I used to do before October 7th. I came across a video of a boy who was saying goodbye to his father’s body because he was being taken from him to be buried. His father had gone out to get flour from Al-Nabulsi roundabout where more than 170 people were killed as they waited to collect flour. Before he left he said to his son, “I’ll be back soon, wait for me.” In the video his son was sobbing as he tried to wake his father up. He kept saying “May your soul rest in peace” to his father’s body, which reminded me of the movie Braveheart, when at the beginning William Wallace was saying goodbye to his father before he was taken to be buried. That lit a spark in him which created a new hero who would end up liberating Scotland.  There is a lot of criticism of this movie but I consider it one of the best movies I’ve ever seen because it touches my own life and the lives o
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Location: Cairo, Cairo Governorate, Egypt
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While we wait...

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Today is the 25th of February and another month has just flown by. Here in Gaza we don’t realize that time is passing us by as things here continue to be the same, and then suddenly we look at the date and get a shock. The clock is still ticking for me and I continue to fight for my right to leave as soon as possible. I’ve done everything I possibly can in order to leave and now I’m leaving it to God, or in the hands of destiny or whatever you want to call it. I’m doing this because I’ve done all the formal procedures and everything within my capacity that I could do. I don’t know what to expect now - there are always delays and we are just waiting. We could be told we can leave at any moment. Meanwhile things are still happening here in Gaza.  The other day I went to visit my sister who now lives in a kindergarten. While I was there I learned that the Israelis had taken her neighbour’s son. I was sitting with my sister and someone outside was calling her in a trembling voice, unable t
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Location: Rafah
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The clock is ticking

Today is the 19th of February. In addition to all the feelings of anger, depression, sadness, agony and worst of all feeling like I’ve had to get used to things I would normally never accept in my daily life, I now also feel the clock constantly ticking. The clock is ticking all the time. We are under pressure to do everything in a hurry in order leave Rafah as quickly as possible before it is attacked. I don’t even know what my reaction is going to be like when they attack because as I mentioned earlier I have a very heavy burden on my shoulders and I need to be prepared to carry it.  I have been putting a lot of effort into getting my car fixed, trying to get it filled up with gas before it’s too late, in case we need to escape. There is so much effort involved in trying to leave Gaza. Even trying to get an explanation of how one can leave is extremely difficult but from all the research we have done and from what I can tell there are three possible ways to do it. I’m not happy talki
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Location: Rafah
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My luggage is packed...

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A Gofund.me page has been set up to help Ruba and father move to a safer location,away from the daily dangers in Gaza.  Today is the 14th of February and I have been having a hard time here in Rafah. All the conversations here revolve around whether the Israelis are going to get into Rafah or not and if the peace talks and ongoing negotiations in Egypt will result in anything. I know the results of attacks on Rafah will be devastating and so many people are going to die. There is a sense of fear amongst everyone here that if the Israelis enter Rafah they are going to kill so many people, just like they did in Gaza City, in the North, in the Middle and in Khan Younis. Rafah is the only place that was left until recently where the military operations were relatively limited.  Everyone is concerned as things are escalating slowly. And that is a pattern that happened in other locations - they usually start with limited operations which get more and more intense until eventually they annou
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Location: Rafah
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