While we wait...

Today is the 25th of February and another month has just flown by. Here in Gaza we don’t realize that time is passing us by as things here continue to be the same, and then suddenly we look at the date and get a shock. The clock is still ticking for me and I continue to fight for my right to leave as soon as possible. I’ve done everything I possibly can in order to leave and now I’m leaving it to God, or in the hands of destiny or whatever you want to call it. I’m doing this because I’ve done all the formal procedures and everything within my capacity that I could do. I don’t know what to expect now - there are always delays and we are just waiting. We could be told we can leave at any moment. Meanwhile things are still happening here in Gaza. 

The other day I went to visit my sister who now lives in a kindergarten. While I was there I learned that the Israelis had taken her neighbour’s son. I was sitting with my sister and someone outside was calling her in a trembling voice, unable to articulate what she wanted to say. She was too weak to even knock on the door, she was just calling out my sister’s name. My sister had no idea who it was and to her surprise when she opened the door it was one of her neighbours. 

She was in tears as she said, “My son is out now.” I realized they were tears of happiness as I learned that her son had just been released by the Israelis and she had knocked on my sister’s door the moment after she learned that he’s out and she said hello to him. They met and hugged and she wanted to share that happiness with someone, so I was blessed to be sharing that moment with them. We started chatting and she explained that they had taken her son when they were on their way to Rafah, about 50 days ago. She cane from the middle area on foot. They had made her son and two of his cousins get naked and then they put them in a hole that they had dug in the ground and they asked their families to leave. 

Mother & son reunited

All three families had to leave and they had no idea what happened to them. She said she considered her son as dead and she thought that she had lost him forever. After they left they heard shooting which confirmed their fears that he had been killed. She said, “I bought a few things from the market and then I saw a car. Subhanallah, when I saw that car amongst all the cars I have seen in the past 50 days and all the people I have met, I just felt something towards that car. I dropped all my bags on the floor and I couldn’t stop staring at the car. Then my son got out of it and I was so happy that I started rolling on the ground. I was crying so hard that people thought there was an airstrike close to the area because of all the noise I was making.” 

That was a happy story and I’m also happy because she said to me,“Every time I see you, something good happens to me.” I was laughing to myself as I know it had nothing to do with me but at the same time now I have to be careful about how many times I see her if she only relates me to good things because if bad things happen - God forbid - maybe she’ll think it’s because of me. I’m only joking, I know it was just a compliment from her. It was a very good and happy moment that we shared together. 

While waiting to leave it’s still hard to see what people are facing here. Some people don’t understand the problems that Palestinians face at the borders. How difficult it is to register with Ya Hala, the expenses we have to pay in order to leave. A lot of people don’t realize for example if you want to book a hotel or an apartment or somewhere good to stay when you arrive at your destination it’s pretty much impossible as you can’t identify exactly when you’ll leave. We don’t know we’re leaving until the night we leave. For example, if I’m leaving tomorrow I’ll usually find out tonight. So it’s hard to do any planning beforehand. 

Sometimes I feel scared by the lack of ability to plan and start thinking up different possible scenarios as I mentioned before. I planned all the different possible routes to leaving. I planned a fundraiser, I planned to have an organization support me to leave and I was planning for my sister to help my father and me and the pets, who of course are part of us. I planned for all three scenarios and the one that worked out was the fundraiser at least for Ya Hala expenses because through this I was able to collect the money to pay them at least.

There are also people - like in the case of my other family members - who have to take loans in order to leave. If you are privileged then you have someone you can trust who can take the loan on your behalf and do the registration for you in Egypt. It has to be an immediate family member though so that is problematic as not everyone can do this. We are hoping my sister will be able to leave this way once we have left. 

I also have two cousins who were killed last week - I don’t know anything about them, I don’t know how they were killed - I have no idea, I just know that they were killed for sure.