A 'regular' war day

Today is the 23rd of December and the war is still going on. I believe that the Security Council should be discussing how to ensure there is a ceasefire in Gaza. However, the news says that the Security Council has passed a resolution to increase ‘assistance’ (as you know, I don’t refer to it as humanitarian ‘assistance’ but humanitarian rights) to the people in Gaza and this is not acceptable. In my opinion, the UN as a body has started to lose its credibility. For us the UN is not an organization to rely on when it comes to humanitarian ‘assistance’ because it’s all in the hands of Israel. The next few days will show that. 

Today I woke up again with mixed feelings. I realized that I haven’t had coffee for over a week and I’m fine with that - does this mean that I’ve stopped being addicted to coffee? I don’t know. When I look at the pictures of the singers from the 50s, 60s, 70s and 90s in my room, sometimes I find myself singing old songs that I learned a long time ago. Then suddenly half way through the song I start to feel guilty. I start singing spontaneously but then I always stop in the middle because something inside me is telling me to. Perhaps it’s that feeling of “why should I be singing something joyous when others are suffering so much?” I’m also a bit confused because I’ve been so independent my whole life and I’ve always been the one who others rely on - my friends, my family, anyone  - but now things are changing. I actually started to seek support myself.

This makes me feel like my life is upside down because everything seems to be changing for the time being and I’m a bit confused about what life is going to be in the future. There’s that childish spirit inside me that I don't want to kill - is it going to die with this war? I don’t know - only time will tell.

For me this is a ‘regular’ war day - there is nothing out of the ordinary that has been happening here today. The news of the dead and the killed and the injured, people who cannot find treatment or adequate treatment, people who are hungry and need food - all that continues - nothing is changing, the numbers are just going up. 

I hope that things will be better by the time I write my next blog post.

Location: Rafah

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