Back home and here...

Today is the 6th of December and it feels like a really difficult day even though we had a quiet night. I woke up with this urgent feeling that I want to go home, that I don’t care about anything, that I just want to be there again. This idea is not just dominating my mind but the minds of everyone around me. Even though we have had to accept whatever circumstances we have had to face until now, our standards are changing. Certain things are unacceptable. There’s only so long that you can live in a situation like this for. 

I know that the parts of daily life I’m describing as a displaced person are nothing compared to the experiences of losing a family member, getting injured, losing a limb or losing your home. But the reality I’m describing is often overlooked as the impact of the conflict creeps into every aspect of life. For example, everyone has their own standards in their own house. They have their own routine that they’re not even aware of until they’re faced with a situation in which it has to be changed. It’s a different feeling to when you travel somewhere else and you have your luggage with you. You take the most important things you need with you to be able to keep up with your routine and daily habits. You’re ok with giving some of them up for the period of the trip because you know it’s temporary. As a displaced person you’re forced to make those changes. 

Overall there are now 13 families living in this building. The host family consists of four families who lived here previously, in addition to the grandparents and their daughter's family who were displaced from Gaza City. There is also another daughter who had to flee Deir El Balah two days ago. Of course everyone has their own personal habits, their own lifestyles, their own mentalities. It’s not easy but we have no choice but to get along because we have all been forced into this situation. 

The families living here are spread across five different floors. Each family cooks their own food except for the house we are staying in with the grandparents and two daughters’ families. The daughters cook and they always include portions for me and my 80-year-old father. Each family here also receives visitors - sometimes it’s the neighbours or sometimes it’s relatives that live nearby. There are always a lot of people in the building and so privacy is very limited. We also have a limited number of bathrooms. For example, in the house I’m staying in, we have one bathroom for 14 people. 

As I mentioned in a previous post it is Arabic tradition to ‘serve’ the people staying in your house. The host family look after us and we are considered to be in relatively good circumstances compared to people who are living in schools. In the schools there is an average of 50 people living in every classroom and they are using the school bathrooms. People are not only living in the classrooms and offices of schools, they’re also living in tents in playgrounds. As more and more people arrive other places open up to the displaced people, like mosques and parks such as the Japanese Park and others. Each family in this situation is supposed to receive a tent with all the necessary equipment to make it stand. They are also putting up their tents in an unfinished hospital in Rafah. No matter what situation displaced people find themselves in, they are all very homesick and are praying to be able to go home. 

When you’re staying with a host family you can’t keep asking for things because they want to do everything for you. And so you can’t just go and make a cup of coffee or tea. Actually coffee isn’t even available right now in the market. You can’t go to the kitchen and make yourself a hot drink - and remember it’s winter time now. 

Sometimes I sneak some parts of my share of food to my nephew so he can enjoy simple things like bread which again, isn’t available in the market. My nephew is a year and nine months old now and so we need to make sure he’s getting the nutrients he needs. Life really isn’t easy right now. Sometimes I feel like I just want to fly somewhere else and throw all this behind me. 

It’s not fair on the youth who are spending all their time running back and forth to ensure the families’ basic needs like going to fetch water or ensuring that mobiles are charged. Lately they’ve been taking the phones to charge them at a nearby hospital. This isn’t even a safe option because so many hospitals have been bombed. They collect water from the hospital or from the nearby mosque which I mentioned in an earlier blog. Even when you have the money to move around, you can’t because your circumstances prevent you from doing so. Every displaced person’s experience is different. It depends on how well you are received at the host family’s house, it also depends on a person’s gender. For example, today I read that a girl made an announcement on Facebook saying she was looking for sanitary pads for women who had their period as they aren’t available in the market. She was living in a place with 15 other young girls and so they all needed them. She was apologetic for having to put out such an announcement but she was genuinely looking for solutions on what to do. 

Sometimes it’s also an advantage to be a woman because usually it’s the men who have to go out and wait in long queues for our basic needs. Those who know Gaza and the Mediterranean area, at least Palestine, would know how important falafel is to us. Right now it’s not available - they just give you the dough and you have to make it at home. There are long queues at the moment for everyone to get their share of that dough. The thing is it's hard to fry it at home because of the lack of cooking gas. 

We aren’t even receiving our ‘humanitarian rights’ as we should be. It’s obvious that whatever is being provided now is much less than it was before this conflict. To add to this animals are suffering. Some people have moved with their sheep or they have pets like me. Animal food is either unavailable or if it’s there in the market it’s very expensive. The chicken farm in Rafah was bombed and all the chicken were killed. 

During previous wars I used to go in the kitchen and cook to let off all my stress and anxiety. I’d cook for myself, my neighbours, my friends, and my family. I made some really good recipes because things were available in the market. But now that’s not the case. The bare minimum is available. Anything which had a sweet taste has disappeared from the shops. We don’t have any of the things we were used to. 

Also little children's milk is not available. The only form of milk available is powder milk. There is no form of ‘liquid’ milk available in the market now.

All aspects of our daily lives are changing and we have find ways to cope with our lives and with the ongoing war.