Reflecting on a rough day

We have been having rough days, but before I talk about them I just want to address a comment I received about my blog. Someone in Gaza told me that it’s not a real reflection of how life is here and I want to make sure that I’m fully understood. The experiences I describe here are my own and I’m trying to find ways to preserve these memories for all the reasons I mentioned earlier. In case we have to flee, in case we get accused of abandoning our land and our country, just like what happened with our grandparents. I mean we have lived through this situation that has made me realize how hard it was for them - when they left they actually did something natural. We can’t even say that they ‘fled’ because they thought they were leaving for a couple of days and coming back, just like we thought too. 

The diary entries here describe my life nowadays, and it’s changed dramatically since this war started. I am living with a host family and we supposedly have the ‘best’ situation amongst the people who have been displaced, because we are not living in a school or a tent. I’ve already described the challenges we face here, but it’s out of courtesy that I don’t go into detail, because at the end of the day we are being hosted.

However it’s a known fact that during stressful times in conflict situations, the level of violence goes up. I’ve firsthand witnessed the levels of psychological and verbal violence going up amongst relatives, and it’s sometimes difficult to tolerate. 

The host family has been generous in giving us a place to sleep in and they share whatever they have with us and that’s more than required actually for the time being. It doesn’t mean that we are living in luxury, it just means that we can tolerate this difficult situation until this whole thing finishes. We are hoping that it finishes soon.

Last night was terrible – there was bombing all over again. Actually, last night and the night before were just unbearable in so many ways. We woke up so many times in the night. We were hoping that we would get a good sleep but this never happens – we never get the good sleep we are looking for. I’m sharing a room with others – I don’t like that I’m sharing a room with someone else – I know there are people sharing a room with 50/60 others. However for someone who is used to privacy it’s a bit difficult.

I have been trying to keep up the same type of diet that I had before the war – like before the war I managed to cut bread out completely. But now there aren’t enough food options so I do eat bread. And since there’s no way – the diet system has changed and the food – I’m not convinced with whatever food I’m eating now and so I started to fast. Fasting makes me eat a little less ‘bad’ food. I put less unhealthy food in my stomach. 

I try to help the people we are staying with here as much as possible, but the thing is that they’re not letting me do the house chores, which also makes it difficult for me because I sit around doing nothing which is not a good thing at all. I see many people out there who are doing so many things and I think they are so lucky to have something they do. 

I also woke up to the news that what I had mentioned earlier being rumours has now become official. They are taking men and youth and making them strip, even though it’s now very cold, and then they tie them and torture them together which is just unacceptable. It’s totally insulting to humanity. This has become official in the news here now… more to come soon...