Unbearable loss

Today is the 14th of December and the last couple of days have been exhausting. I had completely different plans for what I was going to speak about in my next diary entries but then all these things happened to me and my family and I wanted to share this information with you all. During times of war there are always people who abuse others, either because they are taking advantage or they are desperate - they could be thieves, they could be people who inflate the prices in the market or do other things which harm people. 

People’s problems are more than tripled when things like this happen to them during war time. Yesterday I received confirmed information that the entire tower where I used to live was looted. 200 people entered the tower and stole everything. They had experience with opening multi-lock doors and anything that could be taken was stolen. I mean everything, including the sink, the light switches, the shelves, the electrical appliances - anything that you can think of - in addition to the clothes, chairs, sofas, dining room furniture - everything was taken.

I was devastated to find this out. But then this was nothing compared to the information I found out later. Late last night at 2am I woke up to a text message from my sister saying my uncle was killed together with two of my cousins from my aunt's side. It was actually the house next to them which was targeted - not their house. Still, this ended with him being killed. Actually they were staying at my aunt’s place and she’s 90 years old. She’s the walking memory of the whole family. My aunt lives in this home and has always been in very good health and mind. She wanted everyone to be with her. 

Let me tell you a little bit about my uncle. He was a very supportive man and he gave the best possible treatment you can think of to his daughters. He’s a very good grandfather. He was also my best support together with my father during the times I requested to get my divorce. Although he’s a conservative and traditional man, when it comes to women he’s very supportive. He doesn’t care what people say - he’d always say 'to hell with what they say - as long as the women in the family are happy and get what they want'. May his soul rest in peace.

In addition to this I lost my aunt’s two grandchildren. One of them holds the Egyptian nationality and he came to Gaza just to get his daughter's birth certificate issued when the attacks started. When the war started he refused to leave his grandmother (my aunt) and he stayed there all that time of the war because he wanted to make sure she’s fine.

Now instead of getting his daughter's birth certificate issued, his death certificate will have to be issued. Another one of my cousin’s sons was also killed yesterday. He was also a good man - he was just a normal, responsible father concerned with providing for his family. These were all just normal civilians. 

But the thing is that we lost three family members and their house wasn’t even the one being targeted. But now my uncle and the two family members that were killed are gone forever. We don’t even know how they died, where they were sitting, what happened to them - nothing. We will never get to say goodbye, we will probably never know where they are buried, we have not done any prayers or any grieving or mourning meetings or sessions for them. They’re just gone.

So maybe this is why I was silent for a few days. My plan was completely different for this diary post but then all this happened. My 90-year-old sharp-brained health aunt was speechless after this happened. She was not speaking or giving any reaction at all. The next day, we heard that the Israelis threw phosphoric bombs on her area and we do not know where she is now.

So I still can't imagine what my home looks like now or what what the last moments of my beloved ones were like.