Over 100 days...

Today is the 20th of January and I still can’t believe we are in the year 2024 already. It feels like we missed the last quarter of 2023. I usually love that time of year because of the holiday season. I haven’t had the chance to leave Gaza for a long time, but when I did I would always enjoy watching people celebrating different holidays and occasions. Time has passed us by and we are now in 2024 and it’s almost the end of January which is unbelievable. 

We are also now more than 100 days into the war and for more than 100 days I’ve been living outside my home.

For over 100 days I’ve been hosted by a family. 

For over 100 days I’ve been living in a room which is not mine, sleeping in a bed which is not mine, using a cover which is not mine, tasting and eating food which I haven’t cooked, staying indoors most of the time with my father and our in-laws. 

For over 100 days I haven’t switched a button on and off in order to use a light or any electrical appliances. 

For over 100 days I haven’t seen water coming out of a tap. Hot water seems like a distant luxury we once had a long time ago. I haven’t showered for over 100 days because I have been using a bucket to bathe - and this only happens only when there’s sufficient water to do so.  

For over 100 days I haven’t heard the doorbell ring because I have a visitor coming to see me. 

For over 100 days I have had to use things sparingly - either because they're unavailable or because I just want to go home and use my own things - like my own clothes, my own jewelry - like anything you can think of. 

For over 100 days I haven’t opened a cupboard - I haven’t changed my summer wardrobe to my winter one. 

For over 100 days I haven’t seen the sea, which I’m used to seeing every morning. I used to walk by the beach every morning and I haven’t been able to do that. 

For over 100 days I haven’t sat on my balcony to sip my coffee - in fact I don’t even mention coffee anymore because it’s something we rarely have and it’s a luxury. I haven’t seen my house keys for over 100 days, I haven’t used my washing machine for over 100 days. 

For over 100 days I have not made one simple smooth phone call that was not interrupted or cut off because we constantly have such a poor network or are simply under a communications blackout. 

For over 100 days I have had to sleep with the doors and windows wide open, even though it’s winter, because we are always afraid that the bombardment will smash the doors and windows if they are closed. 

For over 100 days I have not even been able to sleep one single night without imagining how I will look if I am bombed and my body is torn apart - that’s what I think of every night - and then when I have this idea I squeeze myself into my bed and make sure that my head is protected by my hands.

For over 100 days I haven’t been to the office, I haven’t smelt the printers and the ink on the paper of the books. 

During all of these 100 days it’s become normal to hear news of death and killing and loss of our beloved ones, our friends, our acquaintances, people who we used to say hi to on the street and our neighbours. What’s becoming normal is the targeting of cultural and educational institutions - like universities and schools, like the Municipality historical building, the old market of Gaza - Al Zawiya Market. They’ve bombed the hospitals and every distinguishing landmark. Gaza developed a lot during recent years and now it’s destroyed.

What’s become normal is that the prices are now 5 times more in Rafah and 10 times more in the north and Gaza City. It’s become normal that we sit around sitting and chatting and we’re unable to use our precious time to do things to contribute to our communities. It’s been over 100 days that we are wasting our time. We try to find ways to contribute and to help but none of it is useful now because our lives are so limited.

I see youth who have been in the streets every day for over 100 days and instead of making use of their precious time, they wake up at 6am when it’s still dark to support their families with their basic needs. I hear the wheels of the carts every morning on their way to fill in water and then they go back home. 

This is what our life has become for more than 100 days. For over 100 days I have managed to stay alive together with my family and we are still struggling to remain so.