My luggage is packed...

A Gofund.me page has been set up to help Ruba and father
move to a safer location,away from the daily dangers in Gaza. 

Today is the 14th of February and I have been having a hard time here in Rafah. All the conversations here revolve around whether the Israelis are going to get into Rafah or not and if the peace talks and ongoing negotiations in Egypt will result in anything. I know the results of attacks on Rafah will be devastating and so many people are going to die. There is a sense of fear amongst everyone here that if the Israelis enter Rafah they are going to kill so many people, just like they did in Gaza City, in the North, in the Middle and in Khan Younis. Rafah is the only place that was left until recently where the military operations were relatively limited. 

Everyone is concerned as things are escalating slowly. And that is a pattern that happened in other locations - they usually start with limited operations which get more and more intense until eventually they announce in the news that their operations started a week ago. Once it’s announced it’s a reality that no one can do anything about. A lot of people have already started to flee from here to the Middle area. The thought of fleeing is an extremely difficult decision for me as I have a very heavy burden on my shoulders. To start with I have the cats, and anyone who has cats would know exactly how difficult it is to move them from one place to another. I also have my father who can barely walk. He can only walk very slowly with a stick in his hand. It would be difficult for me to support him. If we were to flee I’d need another person with me and the only person I can think of is my brother, who also has his own family to take care of. He’d basically be put in a situation in which he would have to choose who to help first - his father or his son.

And then I have my luggage. Although I wasn’t able to take much out of Gaza City, I have already packed my bag waiting for the moment when they say we need to move. I know there are things I would need to get if we move to the Middle Area and so I’d have to buy things that we’ve already bought here, like a blanket, like pyjamas and other things because when we left home we left without anything - not even clothes to sleep in. It was summer anyway so the clothing we had on us was different. Now we have to wear winter clothes and I had to buy some pyjamas and a track suit for the night. In spite of the cold I haven’t bought winter clothes for myself. I guess it’s part of my way of refusing to accept this situation as a long-term one. It’s my way of holding on to hope that some how and some way I’ll get to go home and get my winter clothes from there. In addition to the above there’s also the heavy burden of all the experiences we have had in our daily lives for the past 4 months that we have to carry with us. 

In order not to have to buy everything again I’ve put whatever I have into a bag and I’m waiting for the moment they throw pamphlets down on us like they did in Gaza City telling us to leave. We’ll need to evacuate immediately to wherever they tell us to go and I know that wherever they tell us to go isn’t going to be a safe place because even the so-called ‘safe passages’ were hit by airstrikes and bombs. Rafah and Khan Younis and the Middle area were all promised to be safe areas and they aren’t at all. So I know we will have difficulties wherever we end up, once we’ve gone to the trouble of moving everything and everyone.

The other thing is that we’d have to find a place to stay. A lot of people have already started reserving tents. A tent costs an average of 500 USD to buy. It won’t protect anyone from the weather - the rain seeps through the tents. I just hope that the negotiations succeed and some kind of agreement is reached before we get to that stage. The decision to move here from Gaza City was not an easy one but we had no choice. It’s not easy for someone from abroad to imagine what we are facing here but in any war it is the civilians like us who are most impacted. 

For the time being we are lucky because we have a family who can host us, but later on this family is going to need a hosting family too. So we don’t know what we are going to do and we will have to find a way out for all of us together. Let’s see - I don’t know what the future holds for the time being. I want to thank everyone who donated on the Gofund.me page that we set up - sometimes it’s not easy for me to go online but I know we have managed to raise quite a lot so far, which I'm so thankful for. I’ve never spoken about this in my diaries but a few people know that there is an organization which is trying to get me, my father and my pets out of Gaza. However this organization has run into difficulties transferring money, which is why we are trying to raise funds on the Gofund.me page. This money is to build up a reserve to support us to get out of Gaza, and also to support our living expenses here. It’s hard to comprehend that a liter of fuel used to be 7 shekels and now it’s 150 shekels. The living expenses have become completely unaffordable. I am so grateful to everyone who has donated.

For now we are waiting to see when they come to Rafah and I’m just hoping we can make it out just before they come because if we don’t we are going to become another number in the death toll here. It’s also hard because one imagines themselves part of the death toll number and just being a piece of news on the news - something like “200 people or 5 people or 10 people were killed and their bodies went to Al-Najjar hospital and they couldn’t take them out to be buried and therefore we had to bury them in the hospital.” I don’t want myself or my father or my family to just become another number in this horrific death toll, which is why we are taking steps to try and leave as soon as possible.

Editor's Note: To support Ruba and her family, please consider making a donation on their Gofund.me page, even the smallest amount will make a difference.