Will we have to flee again?

Today is the 9th of February. Time is flying and yet it feels like I’ve been here for a very long time. In spite of the fact that we are surviving it doesn’t mean we are strong, it doesn’t mean we are ok, it doesn’t mean we are coping well. It just means that in order to remain alive we have to make do with what we have. We could never have survived this far without clinging on to the hope that things will end one day and that we are going to return back to our homes and that this time will pass and will become a memory like the many hard times the Palestinians have been through. 

A lot of things have been happening with me, especially as I’ve been trying to leave for a while - it’s no secret anymore. In spite of all the love I carry for my home and my city I’m finding it very hard to stay. People are really suffering and we are hearing their stories every day. I just heard a friend of ours in Rafah was taken out of the rubble alive, so that was good news. I still have to cope with a very difficult living situation which is very hard for humans and animals and everyone. 

One of the things that happened recently was the creation of family WhatsApp groups. Families from Gaza are spread out all over the world - like my own family; part of it is in Spain, part of it is in Saudi Arabia, part of it is in Libya, another part is in Norway, another part is in Sweden, another part in Canada - and the list goes on and on. We could have lost contact with each other by the time the next generation grows up but now due to this war we are all connected with each other and we ask about each other and they call us whenever they can. The support I’m receiving from friends is also incredible and has a strong impact on my own mental health and wellbeing and therefore it impacts everyone around me in a positive manner. I don’t want anyone to underestimate how powerful it is to provide a good word or whatever kind of support they can because people here need it.

I have recently realized that the children here miss going to school. One of the members of the host family is 15 years old and although the house is so busy, crowded and loud, she takes the time to read from her school books and she keeps trying to remember what the situation was like before and what school was like. She told me that she misses school, she likes to have some private time alone and this is her way of spending her private time. 

These days I can see the impact of the deteriorating health situation showing up in the form of insects, diarrhea and fever. Although relatively we are in a better situation than others. People are still hoping for a truce or a ceasefire - they are looking forward to that. However in Rafah I have noticed that military operations increased before they said they would publicly. This happened in Gaza City too - the Israelis had already started the ground military operations about a week before announcing it publicly. The same thing happened in Khan Younis and from my observation the same thing is happening here. Everyone is saying they are coming to Rafah soon and people have already started to flee to the middle area of the Gaza Strip. I don’t know if we should flee there because I have  a responsibility - I have my father, my pets and the luggage and my car is not working. The first time it was relatively easy because the car was working but now that it’s so hard to find fuel I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. 

I don’t have a lot more to say - I feel like I can’t add anymore, partly because I don’t have the energy and partly because I have some ongoing personal issues. Maybe I’ll share them once they’re over. But I’m alive and I’m ok. I just hope that this ends soon, like everyone here does. Let’s see where things will take us and I’ll keep you informed for the next few days.